Persecutions - How to deal with them

Today in class we were discussing persecutions and how to deal with them when they enter our lives.  Life when lived well presents many opportunities to suffer through various persecutions, how we react to these determines how efficacious they are towards our spiritual life.  Sometimes when we least expect it, we will encounter a persecution from a family member, loved one, friend, or someone we don't even know.  As long as you are standing by truth and the teachings of the Church you will know interiorly that you are in the right and that the suffering that your experiencing can be offered up to help bring grace into the lives of someone who may really need it at that particular moment.

Just today I was persecuted by someone I never met because I made a stand against something this person had a different opinion on.  This week during a mass with Cardinal Rigali, he spoke on how to respond to someone that is persecuting you.  He said that we must respond with charity, no matter how insulting the person is or angry in their message to us.  It is our duty as Catholic's to respond with love, for it is through love that we will open their hearts and minds to the will of God.

Love as Christ would love, Forgive as Christ forgives, and Pray as Christ prays.

When it Rains it Pours!

You know what they say, when it rains it pours?  It's a proven fact and this week has been a great example of what happens when a hurricane of bad news just hit's you right on the head.   This has been one of my toughest weeks yet in the Seminary.  To be honest with myself, I have to say that I never really learned how to study and these last 2 months I have really struggled to learn a good pattern of study and now I think I have finally found one that works for me.  Unfortunately, I discovered this new study habit only a week before midterms.  That being said, I did study my butt off for my midterms and 3 of them I felt I did very well on.

After a week full of trials and disappointments, I was looking forward to today when I would get back the test results for a class that I feel I did very well in grade wise.  What I got was a complete shocker and I'm just at a loss for words.  I'm trying to compartmentalize this new disappointment on top of everything else that has happened this week.  I look forward to next week, the Seminary will be having 40 hrs of adoration, which will give me adequate time to rest, spend time with our Lord, and hopefully forget about all the pain from this week.

Please pray for me, that I will be given the strength to handle all trials I am being sent and will be sent in the future.

Wanderings of a Pilgrim living within the confines of a Monastery

I have now been in the order for a little over 2 months and what a journey I have been on!  It is amazing how much one can go through upon entering a new place and being introduced to new experiences. 

Fr. Gould mentioned to my Mom a few weeks ago that there is only 1 Catholic Priest that has been made a saint, however with religious there are many.  At first I was incredulous, however, after living in this life, I can totally see how if one perseveres there are many opportunities to reach the heights of sanctity.  There are many different people living in community, and each has a differenct personality and sometimes they can rub you the wrong way, which takes time and patience to learn to deal with and prayer to love them all the more.  I can only imagine how crazy I make some of them with my weird idiosyncricies! =)

As one brother once told me when I was annoyed one day.  "There are saints and there are saint-makers"... How True!!! =)  I hope that I am a saint and not a saint maker!

I must say that this life is absolutely wonderful.. don't get me wrong, sometimes I wish I was back home in my comfort zone.  However, this life is truly great, my brothers are good men all trying to serve and love the Lord and my life is one filled with prayer, joy, peace, and happiness.  I have had mystical experiences and close encounters with the Lord here and I hope that God will continue to bless my vocation and help me to persevere to the Novitiate House in LeRoy, NY next year.

May Our Lady of Divine Mercy Bless you!

The Sinner's Practical Guide to Sainthood

As a young child I loved to read the lives of the saints and all their heroic adventures and the amazing things they did.  One question always remained in my mind, how does one become a saint?  One thing that I saw consistently through each of these stories was that each person had a deep prayer life and a filial love for God and his Holy Mother.

Another virtue that I saw in each of these gentle souls was a depth of love for their fellow man and a generous nature in which they truly loved each person regardless of status in society, wealth, or cleanliness.  Many of these men and women lived very poor existences and relied upon the generous nature of others for support, food, and clothing.  I also noticed upon further reading that some of these great saints endured great mortifications to their bodies in order to mortify their bodies of it's sinfulness.  A passage stands out in my mind from one of the readings long ago "The soul should never be a slave to the body, instead the body, should be a slave to the soul".  That in it's essence, in order to reach peace with ones spirituality, the body needs to be mortified and not given into over every little whim or desire.

When I was 20, a Priest from Holy Angels Catholic Church in Mt. Airy, NC told a story one day about a young man from the parish who wanted to be a saint.  This young man had read a story about a saint who dug through trash and ate rotten food as a penance and offering towards God to help save souls.  One Sunday morning, this Priest heard some noise out behind his house, it sounded like an animal was going through his trash.  He grabbed a broom and stepped out the backdoor and switched on the light to find this young man on his knees with a small pile of items including rotten apples, tomatoes, and other rotting food that Father had put out for the trash man.  He was bewildered and asked the young man what the devil he was doing, he was surprised with the answer he was given and then invited him into his house where they had a nice chat.  He told the young man that the path to sainthood wasn't paved in rotten food.  What was done in the 14th century and worked for one saint who was called to live that life wasn't exactly what this young man needed to do in order to reach heaven and sainthood.  He explained that we are all called to be saints, however, we become saints by living the lives that God called us to live.  Each of us are different, some are married and through the married life they are given crosses to carry.  Carrying those crosses and living their lives devoted to God and making sacrifices will lead a person seeking saintliness into a holy life.  In all the paths of life that we are called, whether it be the married, consecrated, or single life, we are all called to become saints without having to dig through someone's trash.

Years later, I found myself in the same predicament this young man had entered into, just in a different way.  As my faith began to grow deeper, I began to study the lives of the saints and the different paths of mortification that they did.  After finding several references to hair shirts, coarse clothing, and bindings.. I came across the cilice.  Oh, what a tool this looked like.  It was a sharp chain that a person could put around their arm or leg to inflict pain that you would then offer up and sacrifice for.  I thought that sounded pretty easy to do, if I didn't like it, then I would just take it off and try something different.  I searched for weeks for a cilice and couldn't find anything.  Finally I came across a Christian site in Spain that was offering a cilice for a good sum of money, I forked out the change, I figured it was a good investment towards my sainthood which was practically on order.  A week later, I got my package and eagerly ripped it open to find a beautiful gold colored spiked chain that looked like the spike strips used in high speed police chases.  I sat down in my chair and eagerly wrapped the chain around my upper leg right below the knee cap and then tied the leather strips together.  It was painful, I found myself staring at this thing and just waiting for the super white halo to plop on my head as if this was the last thing needed in order to earn my wings.  A few minutes went by and I decided to stand up and take a walk around with it on.  As I jumped to my feet, a searing realization entered my mind, all the blood that was trapped int he sitting position shot up and as my leg expanded, I came to an even more painful realization that I now had a chain of practical barbwire wrapped around my leg with the pressure growing stronger every second.  I tried to walk, but it was to painful, so I bent down to try and undue it and again came to a shocking discovery that the pressure had caused the metal bond in a fashion that I couldn't get, besides that I noticed a few holes beginning to bleed and that was when I knew I had to get it off!  I ended up half jumping, half dragging my painful leg and body over to the garage and tool box to get the pliers.  It took a few moments to get it off, but it felt like ages had gone by.  The pain was mind numbing.

The lesson I learned as I sat back down in my chair and stared at this simple chain was... that sainthood doesn't happen because of something that we do.  It happens, because of the life that we live and how we live that life in regards to our love and faith in God. I could chop off my toe and say it was for God.  That doesn't make me saint.  However, living my life totally for God and doing his will when it is against my own and doing things because they are the right things to do and not because I think it will get me something.. THAT is in it's most basic form, the Sinners Guide to Sainthood.  The picture at the top of this post is my cilice, I found it this week while going through some old boxes.

My Journey into Religious Life

I remember as a young man being asked by my Priest Monsignor Duncan if I wanted to serve on the altar.  I was at the age of 10 at that time and was terrified of the prospect of getting on the altar and serving in front of all those people.  It wasn't until two year later when Monsignor retired and we were assigned a new Priest did I finally answer his request.  From the first moment I set foot on that altar I was attached to it like a magnet to a refrigerator!  I served 8 years until I moved from that Parish in Mount Airy, NC to Warrenton, Va at the age of 20.  I tried to serve at my new parish, however the Priest said I was too old and my career as an altar boy officially came to a screeching halt and I entered retirement... much to my sadness.

I believe it was while I was serving I felt the call to be a Priest.  I had always dreamt of it as a child, Mom was always purchasing a new saints book for me and I loved to read their lives and adventures over and over again.  By the time that I hit my early 20's, the last thing I wanted to actually do was be a religious, I wanted money and the fantasies of the world!  I began to do stupid things in my life, like fall into the trap of Multi-Level-Marketing (MLM) where I was continually being sucked into fantasy of working from home and being a rich man and I ate it all up, I followed everything these people told me.. I hassled family and friends, called people endlessly on the phone, and then even went to the extremes of badgering Christ about it and then getting mad when he didn't drop that pot of gold into my lap. I remember one particular day, now that I look back on it years after it happened.. I just shake my head and laugh at the mere stupidity of myself..  I was in a new program called "Club Colossal"  (just the name rings of stupidity) and I was convinced as a founding member that I was going to be making 10,000 bucks a month selling leads and selling positions in my downline.  So I ran into Church and had this wild idea that I would make a deal with God that I would prob never live up to.  I ran up to the altar in a frenzy and knelt down and told God that when I was making 10k a month I would give it all up for him and do whatever he wanted, ie: follow him as a religious.  

And so I found myself lost once again in the turmoil of scam and now I realize that God not only heard my prayer, he answered it.  Granted, it wasn't in the way that I wanted.. but here I find myself in 10K of debt and entering  religious life!!  Ironic isn't it?  HAHA!  God has a sense of humor.  He must have looked at me and just shook his head and said "Child, I accept, however this will not end the way in which you originally proposed".  

At first I ran from the idea of a vocation...  I would do anything and everything to avoid even the topic of it.  I began to become just a shell of what I was meant to be.  One one side I would feign holiness in Church, but as soon as I got home I become the soulless cyber addict.  I spent years and years just trying to reach a life of richness and I spent gobs and gobs of the money that I worked hard for in my day jobs.  There were definitely times in those years that I had an inkling of a calling and as time went by I continued to feel a call grow stronger and stronger and I would find that the more that I tried to avoid it, it would rise from stangers who would tell me that I should look into religious life or I should be a Priest.  Some morning I would wake up in bed and have some religious song  playing in my head or I would wake up with a dream of being a monk or a Priest.  It was around the age of 25 that I began to take my life more seriously and the prospect of a vocation, I began what would be a major conversion in my life.  I finally stopped running from God and one day stopped by Church and told him that I was open to what he wanted in my life and if he wanted me to be Priest then I would do as he asked.  It was at and around that time that I felt a peace enter my life.  I began to say the rosary again, daily, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day.  I began devotions, adoration, stations of the cross, spending time in Church and getting to know Our Lord more intimately.  

I remember one day kneeling down in Church before mass and I asked God what he wanted me to be, where I should follow him through.  I had no more finished my prayer when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and ask if they could sit down, it was just a few moments before sunday mass began and the pews were filling up fast.  I remember not even looking over, just scooting down a few feet and then sitting back and looking over at the person who had tapped me on my shoulder...IT WAS A MONK IN A FULL HABIT!!!!!  I almost fell out of the pew.. and then looked around and saw that the pew in front of me was empty and the pew behind me and yet this man chose to sit in my pew.  I took it as a sign from God and was like "WOW!".  It was a Benedictine monk and remember being just enthralled with the man, he probably felt suffocated by the sheer amount of looks I was giving him during and after mass. =)  

After mass, I followed this man outside and we spoke.  There were a few things that just threw up red flags for me immediately.  1. He was also a police officer for Prince William County Police (that was a big one)  2.  His monastery was in Indiana and he was living outside of it.  3.  He had two children who he was taking care of.  None the less, given all these things, I was enthralled with the man and believed everything he said, he had an answer to ever question I gave him and I even thought about answering his request and visiting his monastery.   But again, these questions continued to bother me and I felt I needed to visit a Benedictine monastery and ask them about this man.  So I went up to the oldest Benedictine Monastery in the USA in Latrobe, PA and visited for a week of vocation discernment.  It was there that they had a book of all the Priests, Monks, Convents, and Monasteries in the world that were Catholic.  We didn't find his monastery, in fact after further research we found that he was an Episcopalian and his monastery was founded as a joint place between a Buddhist 'woman' leader and a man who one day decided he wanted to start a monastery.. 

I returned home with a broken heart feeling utterly betrayed by this cop.  When I got home I learned that he was not properly vetted by our Priest and returned one weekend as an ordained Priest from a Caribbean island and concelabrated mass with the Priest as well as heard confessions on a Saturday.  He also handled the money after mass.  Luckily nothing was missing, however when the Bishop found out about this sacrilege he was banned from all the Churches in the Diocese and the Priest that was originally at the Church was moved.  Needless to say I felt the Benedictines were not the ones for me and I continued my search.  I began to search online for religious orders and what I found were a bunch of liberal old men who didn't wear habits and had such things as prayer mazes at their monastery and other new age crap.  I  created a system that worked rather well.  I would visit a site and would go immediately to the pictures, if I saw a group of old men with gray hair and no habits I would close out the website and move on.  I sent out my name to several of the places that I found, however when looking into the further or visiting them I realized that they were not were I wanted to be.  

I let my vocation and the desire to slide and entered a dark period in my life.  I began to lose my love for the rosary and for Holy Mother and it was then that I found myself in a dark place that would take me years to escape from.  I ended up going to confession weekly for years confessing the same addictive things over and over again and not getting anywhere in my spiritual life.  Back in the fall of 2008 I found a silent retreat down in Hampton, Va and experienced a miracle from Mother Mary and had a second conversion.. this time it was to stay and brought me into a deep relationship with God.  It has taken me the last two years to come back in all totality with God and to have that relationship that I once had.. perhaps even deeper now.  It was back in 2008 during this period of renewal that I found a religious order known as the Mercedarian and got in contact with them.  I remember speaking with the then vocation Dir. Fr. Matthew Phelan who is now the Superior and he invited me up for a visit and around the time that I was thinking of going up to see, my much beloved Grandfather passed away unexpectedly.  I told Fr. Matt that I needed to mourn and I would get back in touch with him when I was ready.  Little did I know, I was going to forget about them.  It wasn't the right time for me to go up there.  

I started a new job with a Catholic Charity in December of 2009 and couldn't attend the March for Life in D.C of this year.  Mom however, was able to go and in the hundreds of thousands of people in the march.. who did Mom end up next too?  Yup.. the Mercedarian Friars!  She came home all excited about an order of young guys that she had just met and wanted me to look into them.  I remember thinking to myself.. this group sounds really familiar.  I looked them up and realized that I had lost contact.. I read my last email back in 2008 and quietly said "wow...".  Was it mere coincidence that Mom ended up next to them?  I think not.. it was providence, this was God working in my life.  Mom told me that one of the ladies from Church told her after the March for Life "I feel Michael is going to have something to do with this order".  What she said range true.  I got back in contact with the Friars who were now under the direction of a new vocational director "Fr. Joseph Eddy"..  Fr. Joe asked me if i wanted to come up and visit and I said absolutely.  I went up on March 15th and stayed for a week.  I spent a day at St. Charles Seminary and had a marvelous time.  All the brothers were very welcoming and the house was absolutely beautiful.  I felt right at home and I had a spiritual high the entire time I was there.  I enjoyed everything, from the daily prayer, to the community rosary and recreation.  I knew this is where I wanted to be.  

While there I spent some time in the beautiful chapel located in the house and asked God for 3 signs if this is where he wanted me to be.  

1.  The order would invite me in

2.  I would have an outward sign from someone not associated with the order that this is where I should be.

3.  That my debts would be paid off or the order would accept me and allow me to work something out with them in regards to the money that I owe.

All 3 things have been answered in this order:

Upon my last day there, Fr. Joe told me I was a good fit and asked if I wanted to apply.  First sign was answered.  

I got home and excitedly was telling Mom all about the order and my experiences and where the Novitiate house was... in Leroy, NY.  Mom was like.. "Hold up.. are they the Fathers of Our Lady of Divine Mercy?" .. I told her "No, the Fathers of Mercy are a different order".  Mom said, "No, I this isn't the Fathers of Mercy".  We bantered back and forth for a few minutes and then she told me hang on .. she was going upstairs to get a card from a group she has been dealing with in Leroy, Ny.  Mom came back downstairs and told me that since I was born she has been having masses said for me and prayers said through a group called "The Fathers of Our lady of Divine Mercy" in LeRoy.. she laid down the card and I flipped it over to find none other than the seal of the Mercedarians and it was signed by Father Provincial!!!!!!!  I almost fell out of my chair. Here was my second sign.. neither she nor I knew that this was the same order!  It nearly blew my socks off.  =)  God answers these things in mysterious ways.  My third sign was answered as well.  

I went back up to the Philadelphia House in May for my grueling psychological exams and was accepted into the Postulancy program on June 2nd.  =D  

On August 20th I begin a new chapter in my life.  May God and all of his angels assist me.

Fr. Jack and Obedience

My late Spiritual Director Fr. Jack Fullen was a wise and holy man and I was blessed to receive many lessons on spirituality and living our lives in obedience.  In March after taking him out for what would be his last trip to the House of Mercy, I brought him back to his house and got him situated in his house and bowed my head to receive his parting blessing.  Afterwards I asked him when I could come back over to have some spiritual direction and he said that he was booked up for the next week doing his daily physical therapy and exercises at the house and he would be too tired to work with me.  I jokingly suggested that he forget the exercise at his house and instead relax.  He reprimanded me rather curtly that he had been ordered by his doctor to do this for his health and he was not going to shirk on his duty, no matter how sick he felt, he was acting in total obedience.

I marveled at his courage and total submission to the will of God.  I went home with this on my mind and realized that he had just given me one of his greatest lessons, Obedience!  Here was a man that suffered daily, felt awful all the time, and could do what most of us do - disobey the doctors orders to suit our own well being.  However he did not do any of that, instead he did his exercises daily and tried his best to recover and live a normal life again.  In the end, that was not the will of God.

I remember a saintly Monsignor from my childhood, he was on Dialysis for the last 10 years of his life and the doctors told him that he could only drink 16oz of water a day and only eat so much.  He measured out his drink and food for each day, he was completely obedient to everything his doctors asked of him and he never complained about anything.  Fr. Jack and Monsignor Duncan both constantly carried the words upon their lips 'Thy Will be Done'.  

Let us pray today and ask God to teach us how to be Obedient to his will and that of our superiors.

Elizabeth - A Saint in the Making

A few months ago, while making some rounds at the nursing home next to Fauquier Hospital as a volunteer Chaplain; I came across an older lady named Elizabeth who is a Catholic and a real dear woman.  Elizabeth is the diamond in the rough for me, when I first came across her, she was very quiet, and was enjoying listening to the TV through the hand held hospital bed speaker that was strewn across her lap.  At first glance, I wasn't quite sure how to approach her, I looked around her room for some type of connection, something that I could use as an introduction or starting point, perhaps a family portrait or some other object that would mean a great deal to her.  As I looked around I didn't really see a family presence in her room, I noticed a cross on her wall with two rosaries hanging from it and then noticed that she had a 1 decade rosary in her hand and she was earnestly twisting each bead as she whispered the Hail Mary over and over again.

After watching Elizabeth for a few seconds I entered her room and introduced myself.  I noticed she quickly looked me over and then gave me the most beautiful smile.  I was put to ease, but it was hard to understand her words.  As I leaned over to her mouth so I could hear her better, I noticed that she had two Immaculate Medals on and she was quite happy to show them to me. This was my first impression of Elizabeth, a woman of great faith, living a life devoted totally to God.

Over the next couple of months I continued to visit Elizabeth at least once a week, sometimes twice.  I found out that she loves to write and jot down notes and thoughts on her stationary and I asked her if there was anything that I could get her.  She gave me her signature smile and whispered that she would like some bobby pins, paper clips, and an organizer to put her papers in - if it wasn't too much trouble.  =)  I got Mom to go buy the supplies and a few days later went into her room with her items, her face lit up and she almost cried, I had also brought her a statue of Our Lady of Fatima which she was so pleased to hold in her fragile little hands.

Elizabeth told me a few weeks ago that she won't be here much longer and not to feel like I need to bring her anything new.  She is suffering from a terminal illness and I believe only has about 6 months to a year left.  That being the case, I am going to go in and visit her as often as I can, her family I found out live in Connecticut and it is difficult for them to come down to see her, however I was pleased to see today that they sent her a picture of her 3 yr old grand-baby.  Three weeks ago I got Fr. Melmer to accompany me to the Nursing home to visit some patients and give them last rites, we made a visit to Elizabeth's room and she almost leaped with joy at the sight of Father.  Fr. gave her last rites and then communion and Elizabeth was so happy that she shed a few tears.  I began bringing her reading materials each week so she doesn't have to reach the same things over and over again.

Today, I picked Mom up after Holy Hour and took her over to visit Elizabeth and another patient in the nursing home.  I also brought a new statue for Elizabeth (the old one got broken by a cleaning crew), and also brought in some new reading material.  She was happy to tell me that she spent 5 hrs reading the last magazine that I brought her and as always she was diligently saying the rosary while we entered and during our visit with her.  I visited one other patient before seeing Elizabeth and it was amazing the difference I felt upon entering Elizabeth's room.  While the other ladies room was 'cold' or desolate feeling, empty rather, she is a fallen away Catholic who refuses to go to confession before receiving communion and actually got into a long drawn out fight with Fr. Melmer over that very issue.  Upon entering Elizabeth's room tonight I felt a noted difference, a 'scent' of holiness as I walked into her room, as if I could feel the angels in the room and was hit by the grace that was flowing from Elizabeth's bed.

I am learning each time that I visit Elizabeth a new lesson in my own life.  To persevere, to love others more, and to truly pray.  I am reading a book right now titled "The Way of a Pilgrim" and in it, the pilgrim is learning about interior prayer and how to truly unite ourselves with God with continual prayer in the heart, mind, and spirit.  I get reminded of this prayer when visiting Elizabeth, here she is, suffering in a hospital bed and instead of feeling sorry for herself or despairing, she is facing the reality of her death and she is using her time here to pray, to truly unite herself to God every moment of everyday.  I believe that woman is not only holy, I believe she is a saint in the making!

May we be blessed to live our days like those being lived by Elizabeth.

Musings of a Pilgrim

It has been months since I have posted on my much neglected blog. Much has happened in my life, many things have changed, most for the better.

I started a new job in December 2009 working as the director for a small non-profit in Manassas, Va serving the poor in the area. Much to my disappointment the job didn't work out and I got laid off on March 15th 2010.

During the time working at the Catholic Charity I began to look into a religious order and applied for entry. I made two visits, my first in March and my second in May.

I have a few major obstacles in front of me that could very well block my entry or delay my entry into the order by a year. Either way, it is all in God's hands.

In early May my spiritual director Fr. Jack Fullen died (unexpectantly) and I feel like a boat without a sail.. I'm just going wherever the sea takes me. I really need to get a new spiritual director, that is something I should look into this week.

On other news, I just got a new pacemaker installed (installed, right? Odd sounding?).. that went well. Although it feels like I just shot in the chest, things are good and I am improving everyday.

I am also still volunteering at my local hospital and that is very rewarding.

As for now that is all that has gone on for the last 6 months...

Until next time!

God Bless,

Michael

When God Lifts the Veil

Sometimes we find ourselves wondering when God will answer our prayers and when he doesn't answer them in the time that we ask or other times when he doesn't answer them the way that we think, our first thought is that God is ignoring us, not answering our prayer. However, there are other times in our life when we pray and God opens a door and then lifts the veil and allows us to look into our past and see the path that he chose and the way that he answered our prayer. Today was one of those days for me. God lifted the veil and allowed me to see how he had lined things up perfectly in answer to my prayer.

Last April I found myself looking madly for a job that offered health benefits, I applied everywhere and sent out around 5 resumes a week with no answer, this had been going on for several months. Then one day I happened to see an advertisement for a commission only job working the phones in a local HVAC business. I immediately submitted my resume and promptly received an answer inviting me in for an interview. I went and really got excited about the job and the people whom I was going to be working for. A few days later I was hired on and began to work in a whole new world, one built in an industry that I was unfamiliar with and a commission only based income that I was not used to being paid on. Days turned into weeks and soon after much hard work I was promoted to the Marketing and Inside Sales Manager. I loved my job the people I worked for. It was awesome.

About that same time I decided to start looking for a spiritual director and soon was recommended to contact Fr. Jack Fullen from Holy Trinity Parish in Bristow. I tried to meet with him twice and things just didn't seem to work out, he was busy, I was busy.. we missed appointments. Finally he and I set a date and I sat down with him and we had a great talk. I knew immediately that I was dealing with a very holy man and I listened to everything that he said and was determined to have bi-weekly sessions with him. Before leaving that session, Fr. Jack asked me with my PC skills if I would be interested in helping the House of Mercy in Manassas with some computer related work. I thought it would be a great idea to volunteer and help those people who are in need of assistance and prayer. A few nights later Fr. Jack contacted me and asked me to meet him at Holy Trinity to meet with the founder of the House of Mercy and discuss website design, ect.

There I met Kellie Ross, an amazing woman who has dedicated her life to The House of Mercy and we talked about different options concerning the website, social networking, web 2.0, ect. Kellie then mentioned that she would be interested in me working with their charity, however I felt at the time just starting out at my current job that I had a duty and obligation to fulfill my position there and I told her that I would be happy to volunteer my time and services whenever they needed it. As life goes, things quickly became extremely busy for me and not only did I not go to anymore spiritual direction with Father, I didn't really volunteer any time with Kellie. My thoughts over the remaining months kept on going back to the House of Mercy and the great work they do there.

At my current job I found myself getting so overwhelmed with all the things I was involved in, that I began to burn the candle at both end and soon I was just completely burnt out. I stretched myself to thin trying to pull off to many things at one time and it was then that my marketing job began to sink. Things just weren't panning out, no matter how hard I tried to paddle, it seemed that I was constantly being pushed downstream. Last week I felt particularly worn out and began to go to church on a daily basis praying for an answer, that God would help boost my marketing and help create more sells for my company. Sadly a few days later I was pulled into my managers office and we both discussed the tragic slump in marketing and my boss decided to pull me out of marketing and have me focus only on the inside sales. I was sad and depressed to say the least. I felt that I put 110% into this job and now it was being taken away from me. I thought immediately "God must have a plan"!

On Tuesday December 1st during my lunch break deep in prayer at Church I felt inspired to contact Kellie again and offer my services in the volunteer capacity. After a few hours of searching, I dug up her number from last July and gave her a call. The conversation was awesome and I asked if I could volunteer some of my time, I then felt inspired to ask if she was still looking to fill the webmaster/marketing position and we spoke about that for a few minutes. She invited me to come up today (Thursday) and discuss what she needs completed with the site and her goals for her Charity over the next few months to a year. Kellie offered me a position with The House of Mercy as the Director of Communications and I accepted and will be starting in my new position near the end of December. As I left there I felt completely at peace. I went home rejoicing that God had heard my prayer and had answered it so quickly. It was then that I realized that he had planned this out from the very beginning.

From last year when I couldn't find a job to save my life, to the day that I started at One Hour, then I got promoted, I learned important marketing and management skills, I couldn't have gotten where I am today if it wasn't for the experience and knowledge that I learned as the Marketing Manager. Also since I was full time God made sure that I was put on health insurance and covered so when I went to the doctors and got medicine I wasn't charged an arm and a leg. During all this time, I was learning to have a deeper faith with Christ through the direction of Fr. Jack who pointed me to some very good books, and then right when one job was ending God set me up with another one that will bring me closer to my goal, which is to enter the seminary and help the poorest of the poor. While I am sad to leave my job and I'll miss the people I work with, I know in my heart that everything will be fine and work out, because in the end, God is in control.

Today the Veil was lifted and as you can see.. God had a plan, was in control of this plan, and he let me in on a little secret... we must alway say:

"Jesus, I trust in You".

Eucharistic Miracle Reported in Poland

Possible Eucharistic Miracle in Sokolka Poland

This is being reported elsewhere on English language Catholic blogs (example: Fr. Z reported on this) but I've been able to find some additional information using Google and translation tools.

First, the report from Kronika Novus Ordo, translated from Polish, that is being reported on other English language blogs, dated October 14, 2009:

Communication from the Metropolitan Curia of Bialystok on the case of Eucharistic phenomena in Sokółka

Metropolitan Curia of Bialystok announces that the Ecclesial Commission appointed by Archbishop Edward Ozorowski (on 30 March 2009) to investigate the phenomena of the Eucharist in Sokółka has just completed its work. It examined and interrogated the witnesses and the pathomorphology experts. Here follow conclusions.

1. On 12 October 2008 a consecrated Host fell out of hands of priest distributing Holy Communion. He has picked It up and placed in the vasculum in tabernacle. After the Mass, vasculum with contents has been transferred to the safe in sacristy.

2. On 19 October 2008 after opening the safe one could see a red stain on the Host, giving the impression of being the blood stain.

3. On 29 October 2008 the vessel with Host was transferred to the tabernacle in the chapel of the rectory. Next day The Host has been removed from the water and placed on the corporal in the tabernacle.

4. On 7 January 2009 the sample from the Host has been taken and examined independently by two professionals in pathomorphology of Medical University in Bialystok. They have issued a common statement as follows: "the sample sent to assess (...) in our opinion (prof. Maria Sobaniec-Lotowska and prof. Stanislaw Sulkowski) looks like the myocardial tissue, at least of all the tissues of living organisms it most resembles."

5. The Commission found that the Host, which was sampled for the
assessment is the same that has been moved from the sacristy to the tabernacle in the chapel of the rectory. Third party intervention was not found.

Files of this case has been submitted to the Apostolic Nunciature in Warsaw.

The Case of Sokolka does not oppose to the faith of the Church, rather confirms it. Church believes that the words of consecration, by the power of the Holy Spirit, transform a bread into the Body of Christ and wine into His Blood. It also provides a call to ministers of the Holy Communion to distribute the Body of Christ with faith and attention and to faithful - to receive It with reverence.

Fr. Andrzej Kakareko

Chancellor

I was able to find a photo [left] of Fr Adrzej (Andrew) Kakareko from the website of St. John the Baptist parish of Bialystok. He is listed as "Chancellor of the Curia, Archbishop of Bialystok and official of the Court". This seems redundant as I think any member of the Curia would be referred to as "an official of the Court".

It's difficult to paste the news reports I've been finding because of technical limitations but I've been reading reports that this particular area, statistically speaking, is rich in vocations and devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. There is some local skepticism, however people seem to be very open-minded for the time being, based on what I am reading. Also, one Polish Catholic commentator noted that this is not really a time of serious social upheaval in this area. Take that for whatever it's worth. One priest noted, and rightly so, that the real miracle is the Eucharist itself.

One Door Slammed Shut

Ok, so I have been looking into several monastic orders to discern if this is where God is calling me to be. I visited with one particular order, the Benedictines in Latrobe, Penn back in 2005 and enjoyed my visit. I disclosed during my many interviews up there that I was born with Congenital Heart Disease and that I had conquered a large number of Open Heart Surgeries. After visiting I left and never heard from the Benedictines again, I gave them the benefit of the doubt and sent a thank you follow up email several months after my visit and never received an answer. After still not hearing from them I thought it was God's will that I not pursue the matter any further.



Almost 5 years later (in January), I decided after much contemplation to contact the Benedictines again and request another visit. My spiritual life has exploded over the last 5 years and I felt that now was a better time to come up and visit since I was more open to listening to God and what he wanted instead of what I wanted. I contacted the Benedictines and submitted their information form. About 5 days later I got a call from the vocation director and he was all excited on the phone, said that my story and info had really inspired him and he sounded as if he was at a loss of words on the phone. So we set a date to have a phone interview and he called me on Sunday the 4th. I was happy to hear from him and after a few moments on the phone he invited me up to one of their Come and See weekends. We spoke for a few moments longer and then he asked me about my health since I had indicated on the form that I have a heart condition. Once I told him a little of my history his whole demeanor changed and he said "Oh, your this guy...), he then told me that he was starting to remember who I was and this is why he wanted to know more info before he invited me up for a weekend. I proceeded to try and reassure him that my heart was healed as of 2006 and that my doctors had given me the go-ahead on pursuing a religious vocation. He then told me bluntly that my heart was the reason why they never followed up with before (well gee, wish they had told me this 5 yrs ago!!), and that I didn't have a chance in the world of getting into his monastery or really any monastery since they can't afford to have someone like me with my health problems on their bill. So what your tellin me is that out of the 175 monks at that abbey, they are all healthy and none of them have any health problems? Long term, I would prob be the least expensive to have on their health bill considering that I had all my issues as a youngin.



The call ended as abruptly as it had started and to say that I was dissapointed would be an understatement of the century. I am heart broken (no pun intended). I have made it through alot in my life, in fact more than most people go through in their life times. I feel a call to serve God and yet I get stopped at the front door of a monastery of all places. Obviously this is not where God wants me to go, so where is it? That is the pivotal question right now and something that is greatly weighing on my mind is this, with my bad heart, how many other orders and people will turn me away because they are afraid of a liability or they just don't understand?



The search continues...

Chaplaincy at Fauquier Hospital

Ok, so I went to volunteer at Fauquier Hospital to help others out (since I spent a significant amount in the hospital as a child) and I think I found my calling for now. I am going to interview tomorrow with the Chaplain to see if I can be a volunteer Chaplain and help others find God as well as comfort them in their sickness and sorrow.

Please pray that if this is God's will, then it will be done accordingly.

Purgatory Part II - The Early Church Fathers

From my earlier post last night on purgatory, I wanted to write somemore on the subject as far as what the early Church Fathers believed regarding purgatory. The early church fathers were the men who followed in the footsteps of the apostles and many of them knew the first apostles and then trained other people according to their teachings and sermons.

Let us take a look at what these Church fathers actually believed and taught on the existence of purgatory - I would also like to remind people that the bible was not even a book until the year 367-404AD when it was finished by St. Jerome. If you have a bible today - thank a Catholic. =)

Clement of Alexandria

The believer through discipline divests himself of his passions and passes to the mansion which is better than the former one, passes to the greatest torment, taking with him the characteristic of repentance for the faults he may have committed after baptism. He is tortured then still more, not yet attaining what he sees others have acquired. The greatest torments are assigned to the believer, for God's righteousness is good, and His goodness righteous, and though these punishments cease in the course of the expiation and purification of each one, "yet" etc. (Patres Groeci. IX, col. 332 [A.D. 150-215])

The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity

"[T]hat very night, this was shown to me in a vision: I [Perpetua] saw Dinocrates going out from a gloomy place, where also there were several others, and he was parched and very thirsty, with a filthy countenance and pallid color, and the wound on his face which he had when he died. This Dinocrates had been my brother after the flesh, seven years of age, who died miserably with disease. . . . For him I had made my prayer, and between him and me there was a large interval, so that neither of us could approach to the other . . . and [I] knew that my brother was in suffering. But I trusted that my prayer would bring help to his suffering; and I prayed for him every day until we passed over into the prison of the camp, for we were to fight in the camp-show. Then . . . I made my prayer for my brother day and night, groaning and weeping that he might be granted to me. Then, on the day on which we remained in fetters, this was shown to me: I saw that the place which I had formerly observed to be in gloom was now bright; and Dinocrates, with a clean body well clad, was finding refreshment. . . . [And] he went away from the water to play joyously, after the manner of children, and I awoke. Then I understood that he was translated from the place of punishment" (The Martyrdom of Perpetua and Felicity 2:3–4 [A.D. 202]).

Cyprian

It is one thing to stand for pardon, another thing to attain to glory; it is one thing, when cast into prison, not to go out thence until one has paid the uttermost farthing; another thing at once to receive the wages of faith and courage. It is one thing, tortured by long suffering for sins, to be cleansed and long purged by fire; another to have purged all sins by suffering. It is one thing, in fine, to be in suspense till the sentence of God at the Day of Judgment; another to be at once crowned by the Lord (Letters 51[55]:20 [A.D. 253]).

Cyril of Jerusalem

Then we make mention also of those who have already fallen asleep: first, the patriarchs, prophets, apostles, and martyrs, that through their prayers and supplications God would receive our petition, next, we make mention also of the holy fathers and bishops who have already fallen asleep, and, to put it simply, of all among us who have already fallen asleep. For we believe that it will be of very great benefit to the souls of those for whom the petition is carried up, while this holy and most solemn sacrifice is laid out (Catechetical Lectures 23:5:9 [A.D. 350]).
--------------------------------

What is also interesting to note: In In 2 Timothy 1:18, St. Paul prays for Onesiphorus, who has died. Why would St. Paul pray for the dead if Purgatory did not exist?

Did Purgatory End When Christ was Resurrected?

I believe this is a question that many people ask themselves. Using the idea of the good thief on the cross and how Jesus said to him "Amen, I say to you, today you will be in paradise with me". Many non-Catholics use this verse to say that Purgatory does not exist and that Jesus took the thief immediately to heaven. My question to this theory is this, how could Jesus take the man to heaven that day when in fact Christ didn't open the gates of heaven until he was resurrected. In fact, when he died he didn't go up to a party in heaven, instead he went down into the "Prisons" to preach the good news to those that were waiting for him. Jesus also said that a day to him is like a thousands years to us, therefore saying "Today" could have meant that the thief wouldn't have been in heaven for a very long time or it could have been a very short time before he made it. However the fact still remains that Christ waited 3 days before the gates were opened by him.. and it was those 3 days that the theif had to wait for in the least bit.

I have heard a few people say that when Christ died his sacrifice finished everything and that there was no longer any need for purgatory and so Christ ended it. How can this be when the New Testament points to many different verses at the teaching of purgatory:

In (Matthew 12:23-36) Jesus speaks of sins to be forgiven in the life to come. If we are in heaven then there is no need to have forgivess and if we are in hell, we cannot be forgiven.. therefore what did Jesus mean by this? Only one answer; Purgatory.

Take a look at (Corinthians 3:13-15), St. Paul speaks about those that are saved through the next life through fire. Heaven will not have fire.. Hell you cannot be saved in.. so what is left? Purgatory.

Again in (Peter 3:18-20), St. Peter speakes upon Jesus speaking to the spirits in prison and of the gospel preached to the dead in (1 Peter 4:6).

The bible also affirms it again that we are to pray for the dead in (2 Maccabees 12:44-46) which is only in the Catholic bible since Luthers teaching would not have worked if he hadn't removed the 7 books of the bible to take out those books that would have challenged his new ideology.

Did Purgatory End When Christ was Resurrected?

No, I think not. How could it be when the bible has so many numerous verses that continually point to its very existence. The bible says we must be cleanes through fire before we can be pure enough for heaven, therefore.. how many of us die pure like God? None. How many people make it straight to heaven after they die? Very few.

USCCB - Over 150K New Catholics 2009

I read a report this week from the USCCB that over 150,000 new Catholics came into the church during the easter vigil in the United States. Last year, there was around 87K new converts which means that it nearly doubled for this years total! That is indeed great news, amid the anti-Catholic media we still have a decent number of converts coming into the church.

http://www.usccb.org/comm/archives/2009/09-071.shtml

The Rite: Makings of a Modern Exorcist

I recently bought the book called 'The Rite' which is about Fr. Gary who is a Priest from California and was chosen by his Bishop to go to Rome to train as an exorcist. The book starts out with a prologue of a woman who is being exorcised and apparently has a very powerful demon within her that the Priest is struggling to release her from. The story then goes on to tell about the Fr. Gary's background and how it came that he was chosen to go take the exorcism course in Italy. I am now about two thirds of the way through the book and I have read some pretty fantastic stuff thus far regarding exorcism and the ways that people have been infested, oppressed, and possessed. Most if not all of the people who truly are experiencing some time of demonic influence in their lives have dabbled in the occult and thereby opened themselves up to the devil. There are a few cases however of people that were cursed by their parents or other family members and they are the ones that really suffer the most terrible pains and aggrevations through this demonic force that is presenting itself through them.

I know that not many people believe in Exorcism today or really even believe in demons. However, that being said, I know for a fact that there is a devil and that this type of stuff happens all the time. I remember watching a movie called Constatine a few years ago about a man who once served evil and then began to fight evil and he had a friend who didn't believe that the things he had told her was real, until one day he introduced her to it and it was as if a veil was lifted and she saw another world open up before her very eyes. I think that this is how the spirit would is derived. It is right in front of our faces, many people just brush by it and have no idea that it is there or that it even exists. And then there are those people that find themselves delving into this spirit world and they are then infected as though they caught a virus and they are not able to be freed of it until they visit someone just like Fr. Gary - an exorcist.

This world is real people, it is out there, and we need to guard ourselves against it. This is not a fantasy playground, it is not for jokes or playing around it, this is a very serious place and it seems that more and more people are getting caught up in the new age worldliness and are slowly being sucked into this ethereal battlefield designed to seal their doom.

To anyone who is interested in learning more about spiritual warfare, how to protect and guard yourself, or if you are an unbeliever and think that your living in a safe haven.. I recommend that you take a moment and buy this book - it is well worth the 15 bucks on ebay or half.com

God Bless,

Michael

Easter Vigil

How good it is of us to be here!

Those were the first words that came into my head as I walked into Church on Saturday night at 7:45pm for the Easter Vigil Mass. All night I had been looking forward to this mass, it is by far my favorite out of all the easter services since this is the mass where you get to watch the converts being recieved into the Church. I was certain that the church was going to be packed and that I wouldn't be able to find a seat. However, much to my dismay and shock, the church was practically empty. There was around 200 people including all the converts and their families and besides us, the church was about 2/3 empty. Since this is the Mass where the converts come in, the service itself usually lasts about 2.5-3hrs and I bet you a pretty penny that is why most of the Catholics didn't show up. We Catholics are notorious for 2 things.. our drinking and leaving church as fast as we can.

I have to say this though, I was quite happy to see 3 young men in their late teens and early 20's that were being baptized and then confirmed. I saw an old man that I thought was a sponsor, but then it turned out to be a convert himself! Later on after mass when we were at the reception for the converts my mom spoke to the older man and learnt that he had been coming to our church for 35 years with his wife who has always been a Catholic and it was just now after all that time that he was given the gift of faith and he wanted to become a Catholic! In all we had around 10-15 new converts this year. I heard a statistic from a local parish priest that in the United States, over 150,000 new converts entered the Catholic Church!!! It is so good to see Christ still working in peoples lives.

I am going to see if I can help out with the RCIA this year, I have been wanting to participate in it for the past 2 years, however things just haven't panned out thus far in my attempts to assist the new converts or those seeking the truth.

God Bless and happy easter!

Michael

Answer from God

Last night during Easter Vigil Mass I prayed that my Grandfather who died last Sept. 07' would be released from purgatory (where I feel he is) and would enter heaven as Christ rose from the dead. I offered up my communion for this intention as well as my other intentions for the souls in Purgatory. Unbeknownst to me, my Mom asked God for a sign last night to let her know where her Father was and if he was saved.

I didn't go to bed until well after 1:30am this morning - I just felt so alive from the evening mass that I wasn't sleepy. I climbed into bed and went to sleep before saying my night prayers (laziness). During the night I had a dream. I was back down on my Grandfathers old property and as I looked around at the mountain landscape I saw my grandfather sitting in his old recliner chair in the middle of an old overgrown logging road. He was doubled over in pain and he looked just as I last saw him, suffering with his emphysema. In my dream I immediately ran over to him and knelt down in front of him, I looked up at him and said "Pops, your going to feel some bad pain in the next few minutes, and then it will be over". He looked at me and grabbed my hand and said "Thanks Mike". He then passed out and fell out of the chair onto the ground. I grabbed him as he fell and laid him down on his back and at this point he was gone, his heart was beating so fast, I remember laying my hand on his chest and telling him that I loved him and that it was soon going to be over. As I sat there and cried I then heard his voice and I turned around and there he was. He looked the same age as when he died (in his 80's), however he seemed to have an aura about him and he told me that he was doing much better, that he was feeling better and was ok. When I awoke this morning, I think I had just finished the dream, it was so fresh on my mind and I had this feeling, this urging that I must go up and tell mom what I dreamt of. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, it was as if a whip was lashing and driving me to do so. As soon as I told mom, she broke down and cried. I didn't want to cause her any pain, however she then told me that last night she had asked God for a sign that Pops was ok, that he had been saved. We both also took it was a sign that he was not yet in heaven and that he will need many more prayers before he reaches eternity. But the good thing is that he was saved and that I hope he is not suffering much and will soon be released.

Faces in Montana plane crash -vs- Faces in WTC Attack

This image was taken after the plane carrying the fmaily of Irving 'Bud' Feldkamp the famous abortionist. The plane crashed into the Tomb of the Unborn - everyone on board died. Is it mere coincidence that he lost 2 daughters, two sons in law, 5 grandchildren, and 4 family friends at the tomb of the very children he was killing?

Ok, I am not one of these people that run around looking for Satan in everthing or imagining seeing him. That being said, I recently read a post on spiritdaily.com that posted a picture of the fire during the Montana plane crash at the cemetary. The spiritdaily post had asked about faces in the fire. It was when I took a closer look at the photo that I saw not only one face, I saw 3 different distince faces which were quite creepy! I then remembered that during the Sept. 11th attacks, there were similiar faces taken by the AP and CNN. I found those pictures and pasted them into the photo of the Montana crash and then outlined the faces with paintbrush. I did not doctor or add to these photographs.

You be the judge.

Institute of the Incarnate Word (IVE)

Over Presidents Day weekend I attended a 4 day silent retreat with the IVE in Chillum, MD. There were two things I experienced at the retreat.

1. The retreat centered on St. Ignatius of Loyola's meditations, I took 30 pages of notes which I have now shared with family and friends who can appreciate some of what I learned during my retreat. I arrived at the retreat house experiencing exhaustion within my soul, my body was also weak from the daily struggles in life. During my time I found God again, I was given a chance to see beyond the veil that seperates him and I, and it was a breath of fresh air! I would highly recommend the retreats to anyone who is interested in breaching their knowledge of themselves as well as delving into a greater love for God and all things divine.

2. I have a clearer view of the call to God that I feel. I am more aware of God in my life now and I will be actively searching for my vocation as a Priest through the many channels I have discovered. I feel I may be called to serve in my old Diocese of Charlotte NC and I am contacting the director of vocations there to speak with him about the direction in which I feel I am being led.

Please keep me in your prayers, I will need many as I begin this new journey in my life.